shpankeymankey

recent news: Ben is moving back to San Antonio in 2.5 weeks! eeeekkk! I am thoroughly excited for him to be so much closer and for things to work out a lot better. This fighting we do is ridiculous. I just have to remember 2.5 weeks and then things will be better.

Also, going to Not So Silent Night in like 3 weeks :) I'm excited for that. Blue October, The Fray, Boys Like Girls, Jason Derulo, and Owl City all going to be there :) W00T! Going to that with Ben and then Laserfloyd in January with him. I've been to Laserfloyd but Ben never has, so that will truly be an experience to watch him. Lol!

Can't wait for Colorado Ski Trip also. I wish Ben was still coming with as it was originally planned but SOMEONE had to go and get single *russell*. Kinda mad that Ben can't go because "its not fair to him", but it's whatever. I'll have fun on that trip I think.

so i'm a little sad... no zelda or link costumes will be made this year i don't think :( we are just too broke and would rather go on a date together then spend money on costumes we might only wear once. so i think saturday night he is taking me out so i can have a little study break. that is how my weekend will be spent in waco... studying, reading, studying, research, essay writing, studying... UGHH. but it's cute because ben said he'd study with me which is exciting.

and we have to take pictures for a photo assignment of his that is due on tuesday.. so that'll be fun. i get to pull out my nice camera that i haven't used in awhile :) not sure what he's gonna do but we will see.

so we will see how this weekend goes. it sucks though because after this weekend, i won't see ben until after school lets out i think :/

eeekkk! i'm excited.
ben and i are gonna make princess zelda and link costumes in one week!!! :)
HALLOWEEN I CAN'T WAIT!
i hope our costumes look badass!

in a few days it will be 7 months for you and i. never have i felt so completely alive and happy. we have our faults... we fight a lot.. but we love each other. we are actually able to work through the fights and work them out. that's what i love. sure i say you're an asshole and you say that i'm a bitch, but i feel that God has brought you back in my life again to make me a stronger person. It's been 3 weeks since I've seen you... geez that's a long time for us, but I'll see you in exactly a week and it'll be the best weekend ever! Going to see Where the Wild Things Are, hookah, dinner date, and just being with you is all I want to do. You are the one I love and the one I've loved for so many years. Sometimes, I wake up to a "good morning beautiful how did you sleep" message, and I wonder how it's possible that you are in my life? How did it go from you thinking I was super creepy in 9th grade to loving me now? It's only been 6 1/2 months, but I love joking about "look, we beat our last relationship"...

i'm not going to lie, i worry for you though. not a whole lot now but i do. i pray to God that he keeps you safe everyday with the activities you encounter. I pray that you don't ever have something happen to you that could make me lose you in my life. you tell me that i worry too damn much but it's not my fault!!

i can't wait to hold you in my arms again and celebrate 7 months wit you.

benjamin paul gagne, i love youuuu.

i can't wait until one day when maybe, just maybe, i'll be able to be with you everyday. i won't have to be 200 miles from you, or go without seeing you for weeks, where you are just two feet away and i can hold you everyday.

i can't wait until the day when no one will ever doubt that our love is real. that no matter what we go through, we will conquer it all. that God will be with the two of us and guide us through life.

i can't wait until one day when maybe i can call you not only my best friend, my rock, my everything, but also my husband and an amazing father.

i can't wait.

this weekend has so far been one of the best of my life. i truly and finally deserve this. this is the happiness i deserve and i don't ever want to lose it again.....

i'm happy with life right now.
though i'm single, i'm going to be okay.
i don't need a boy in my life to make me happy
though it is very nice :)
will be going out of town on weekends more to see friends in diff cities.
super stoked!!
i'm going to live my life happy and single :D
....at least for now.

jean paul and i broke up for good.
i don't want to talk about it.

i believe that there are some good people in the world. it's a lot harder to find them, but when you do find them, don't ever let them go. i'm not just talking about relationships, i'm talking friendships, work places, everything.

KIN is probably the best job i've ever had, financially and w/ the colleagues. I've never been the type to hang out with people i work with outside of work, but there are a few that i love being with. they understand me in a way no one has understood me before. it's funny how you can be from different social groups, economic groups, and yet all of you go through the same thing: heartache, death, friendship loss, love, abandoment, etc. Last night, was a BIG stepping stone for me since my mom's death. Ever since Brittany betrayed me and our friendship, I have not trusted too many girls. But last night, these group of girls truly showed me that good people are out there and that they do genuinely care. I'm just so happy and feel that God truly put me somewhere to bring my happiness up again.

i don't think i've ever said this... but I LOVE SCHOOL! (creepy for me to say, i know). but all of my classes are challenging and challenge me to work hard. Shockingly, i like the challenge. i've met so many people and learned so many things, i think i chose the right major.

i want to end on this note:

i am completely and utterly in love with jean paul. it's almost been 11 months, my longest relationship ever, and it's just astounding to me what all we've been through and how far we've come. no matter how hard his mom tries to keep us apart, she won't ever be able to. our love is stronger than most people think. and sure, we fight and bicker and bitch ALL the time, those stupid little fights make us so much stronger. and the passionate moments we have, get better and better. i love when he spends the night or i spend the night with him, but unfortanetly, i've gotten so use to it these past two months that it is hard for me to go to sleep at night. i can't wait for the day when i can fall asleep next to him everyday and wake up to him too :} hopefully that will be soon enough in the summer after he graduates. i love him with all my heart and soul. i have loved many, but i truly, madly, and deeply am in love with him.

life is good, god is good, and i am completely in love.

A lot of things have been urking me lately.

Number one: I don't like how people can be so fake sometimes. The fact is, everyone is fake in some way or another... but some people are more fake than others. And those people annoy me. Thing is, I have "friends" who say they're great friends and what not, but then they don't talk to me a good majority of the time. Maybe yeah school and work interfere just like it does for me, but when i see you throughout the week and you're fake, that is what annoys me. I just wish people would be more real these days. I mean seriously, actions speak louder than words. I could tell someone I love them so much and say that we're going to hang out, but if the other person doesn't make an effort or I just say it to make the other person feel better that is what is messed up.

Number two: Jean Paul's mom. Yeah, he doesn't have a job, and he plays his videogame a good majority of the time, but he works his butt off in school. I hardly see him now due to our work and school schedules. The fact that she has to bring me into her problems at work and with her son, that's not my concern. I am not going to mother your son like you want me to, because that is not my job. But instead of saying that all he does is play his videogame, step into his room and actually see that he is writing a paper or two.

Number three: Not having money. I have been barely getting by these past few weeks and I just can't wait to get my first paycheck, first VA check, etc. Then I can have money and it'll be very nice. I'm just tired of sitting at home working on homework and not going out with the boyfriend. I WANT MONEY!!!!!